What is the "Window of Tolerance" and why is it so important for healing the nervous system?
Because our nervous systems are wired by our life experience, and our nervous system capacity is determined by those experiences, everyone responds to stress differently.
We each have a nervous system ‘comfort zone’ where we feel capable of being our best self with the least amount of effort. This comfort zone is sometimes referred to as our Window of Tolerance (WOT) or Zone of Regulation (ZOR). The ‘Window of Tolerance’ was first mentioned by neuroscientist and psychiatrist Dan Seigel (Interpersonal Neurobiology). If you are working on regulating your nervous system following a long period of stress or after a traumatic event, you may have heard of it.
My personal preference is to focus on ‘regulation’ than building ‘tolerance’ as it seems kinder to the nervous system. Thus we are expanding our window of tolerance. When we are comfortably inside our ZOR and our nervous system is able to choose whether to self-regulate or co-regulate to feel more present and connected to what’s happening, we can process and integrate information and respond to the demands of everyday life without much difficulty.
We are also able to be playful, think clearly, express our feelings, and learn new things. We are able to love others and let others love us. We can make choices and decisions and be creative. Inside our ZOR, we feel anchored to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us. Simply put, we thrive here.
We also experience so-called negative emotions, such as hurt, rejection, anger, and worry in this zone. These experiences can take us right to the edge of our capacity. But we are still able to manage our feelings and respond authentically if we can stay within it. We can respond to the demands of everyday life – and even some things beyond that – without our nervous system going into overwhelm or shutdown.
Nervous system survival responses
When something happens that is too much for our unique nervous system to manage, we are pushed out of our ZOR. We might swing up into hyperarousal, or down into hypoarousal – or swing between them.
Moving outside of our ZOR is an adaptive coping mechanism that offers protection from the full realisation of trauma and its associated emotions, sensations, images, thoughts and patterns of thinking.
The stress of a traumatic or stressful event may “push” a person out of their ZOR and affect their nervous system’s ability to restore regulation on its own. They may feel as if their emotions are intense and difficult to manage, and their ability to function in daily life is often impacted. Outside of their ZOR, an individual is likely to be unable to process stimuli effectively, and the full integration and healing of trauma cannot occur.
Because the shift outside the zone of regulation and into hyper- or hypo-arousal is a dissociative process, the prefrontal cortex region of the brain is substantially affected, inhibiting rational thinking. I refer to this as the thinking and analysing part of the brain has been ‘hijacked’ by the limbic areas of the brain that are mounting an automatic defence. If a person is unable to use their pre-frontal cortex to determine whether a threat is real/imminent and they rely solely on the implicit structures in their limbic brain to trigger a defence response, the result is often nervous system dysregulation.
In those moments of dissociation, aspects of our former self which are still stuck in the original trauma cannot access what the present self knows (specifically, that we survived the trauma). This inability to remember that they got out and are safe keeps people stuck in re-living traumatic material. Our nervous systems don’t measure time in the same way that we do – when it comes to our nervous system, everything is ‘now’. Therefore, nervous system survival states might be a response to a danger that is happening now, or it might be a response to something happening in present time that reminds us of a danger we couldn’t escape in the past.
Hyper-arousal
When we are in hyperarousal, our body, heart, and mind is getting mobilised to take action – to fight, flee (escape), or freeze until the perceived danger passes. These are ways that we try to survive something that feels deeply threatening and scary.
On the inside, we can feel agitated, overwhelmed, terrified, or angry, like we are going to explode.
On the outside, we might appear aggressive, confrontational, controlling, or rebellious – this is fight.
We might appear anxious, obsessive, or preoccupied – this is flight.
Or, we might come across as extremely compliant and quiet, avoidant, or scared to move a muscle – this is freeze.
Sensations & Nervous System Changes in Hyperarousal
We may experience an increased heart rate and faster breathing, we may feel hot and sweaty, a dry mouth, churning stomach, tingling skin, and overall our muscles may feel more tense.
Hypo-arousal
Our nervous system will drop into this hypo-aroused ‘collapse’ state when there is an established pattern of hyper-aroused ‘fight’, ‘flight’ and ‘freeze’ not keeping us feeling safe enough and able to escape the danger (even if it’s to freeze until the danger passes or the predator loses interest in us).
When we are in hypoarousal, our whole body, heart, and mind put the brakes on hard and fast. Our body slumps into deep collapse and we shut off our feelings because it feels too much to feel, and we lose track of time and place – sometimes called ‘dissociation’ – because it feels too much to stay present and aware. Dissociating is a normal biological mechanism activated through our nervous system to try to survive something that feels deeply threatening.
The hypo-aroused collapse state is a bit different to the hyper-aroused freeze state. Even though both states look similar from the outside, there is a lot of nervous system activity happening in hyper-aroused freeze, and the body is still mobilising defensive responses, even though they are subtle and internal. Conversely, in hypo-aroused collapse, the nervous system believes it has little chance of survival, has given up, and has mobilised natural analgesics to counteract the pain and possibility of death.
Internally, we might feel foggy, dreamy, disconnected, empty, and numb. The world feels far away. In hypoarousal, nothing can hurt us because nothing can reach us.
Externally, we might appear zoned out, in a daydream, confused, distanced, or even paralysed. We may lose our ability to speak or move easily. The world might feel unreal to us and that we are not a part of it.
Sensations & Nervous System Changes in Hyperarousal
Our heart rate decreases and we feel cold. Our focus narrows right down and we can’t see or hear properly. We might feel disconnected from our body and its sensations.
Mixed nervous system states
It’s possible to experience hyper and hypoarousal at the same time. Whilst certain behaviours can’t be experienced at the same time (e.g., you can’t be simultaneously fidgety and immobilised), you can feel internally restless and externally frozen. Similarly, you can feel agitated (hyper-aroused) and empty (hypo-aroused).
Chronic, ongoing and developmental trauma
When we experience high levels of stress over a long period of time, especially when the stress is severe and unpredictable and happens when we are young, our nervous system changes. It becomes highly sensitive, and we spend less and less time in our ZOR. We re-pattern our nervous system to become accustomed to living outside of our ZOR, and we start to experience that as ‘normal’ and ‘familiar’ for us.
Subsequently, our brain and body become wired for danger and braced to self-protect at all times. This means that small everyday things that others might not even notice push us way outside of our ZOR into fight, flight, freeze, or collapse survival states.
Symptoms of trauma for online entrepreneurs and business owners
For people who have a sensitive stress response system like this, triggers that push us outside of our ZOR can be as small as: plans being cancelled, arrangements being changed (like meeting rooms or times, especially if they are regular), moving from one place to the next, someone doing something unexpected (e.g., jumping into our DMs without consent), someone we respect declining our invitation to collaborate.
How R.E.S.T. Relational Embodiment Somatic Trauma Therapy helps
People who carry trauma in their bodies have a smaller-than-usual bandwidth where they feel safe, where they can think clearly and where they can love and be loved.
It’s possible for people whose nervous systems have become dysregulated to return to their zone of regulation and find themselves at home there. In addition, many people are able to widen their zone of regulation, and when they do this, they learn to deal with stress in more adaptive ways.
The R.E.S.T. practitioner’s goal is to help their client move back into their ZOR and feel safe again. Over time, the practitioner helps them expand their ZOR so that they can cope with more and more without feeling overwhelmed.
This is done through first building a safe, sensitive, and thoughtful relationship with lots of emotional empathy and understanding, and many experiences of physiological co-regulation. The practitioner doesn’t have to be perfect, but “safe enough” to help their client’s nervous system settle and to be able to co-regulate given time and practice. Nervous system states are transmissible from person to person – therefore, as the client feels the practitioner’s nervous system calm, the client’s nervous system will follow their lead. Then together, as they notice and observe the feeling of safety within and between them, they can establish an environment that feels non-threatening so that they can slowly learn how it feels to be safe even in the face of external disruptions.
Focusing on the physical sensations currently being experienced helps the client remain in the present moment, and they can be supported to manage extreme arousal by focusing on chunking down their arousal into smaller pieces and processing and integrating them.
The R.E.S.T. practitioner expands the client’s ZOR through playfulness, humour, and pleasure – such as laughter, smiling, and expressions of joy. These experiences switch off the fight, flight, freeze and collapse survival state and turn on the ventral vagus complex – the social engagement nervous system – so the client accesses feelings of connection and wellbeing in their own body.
The R.E.S.T. practitioner’s nervous system
As practitioners, if we are outside our own ZOR, we cannot help our clients get back into theirs.
We need to slow down and observe what’s going on inside us. We need to know what helps us to stay within our ZOR and take care of our nervous system first.
If you want to learn how to help your clients widen their zone of regulation and increase their nervous system capacity, the R.E.S.T. Relational Embodiment Somatic Therapy practitioner training heals the nervous system and expands capacity so that people can live meaningful and connected lives without their nervous system responses holding them back.
We are now accepting applications for the second round of R.E.S.T. Relational Embodiment Somatic Therapy® Practitioner Training starting January 2024 – email us for more information about somatic counseling online training.
Enroll in R.E.S.T.® by September 30th, 2023, and you’ll receive a bonus 1:1 session. You’ll also be able to upgrade to VIP and receive additional 1:1 sessions at a subsidised rate so you can start your nervous system healing journey straight away.
These 1:1 sessions are hugely transformational and can lead to significant breakthroughs – we can talk about this more when you book a call to discuss your participation in the training.
There will be no selling from me, pressure tactics or false urgency - just honest conversation and generous sharing to help you on your way. The call is your opportunity to ‘feel’ me out, ask questions and better understand how this program can open the way into something bigger, deeper, greater in your practitioner journey.
Or if you’re not quite ready to chat yet, start here to find out more.